Intentional Fatherhood

Apr 23

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In this solo episode of the On The Rise Podcast's Faith-Driven Leaders Series, I get personal about fatherhood. I share a vulnerable realization that my kids were getting my leftovers at the end of the day, not my best. Inspired by John Tyson's book The Intentional Father, a small group of dads and I built a framework for raising our sons with intention, culminating in one of the most memorable days of my life. I also share three practical shifts that have changed the way I father, and make a compelling case that the systems and intentionality we bring to work need to show up at home just as much. A challenging, honest, and encouraging episode for any parent who loves their kids but suspects they could be more present.

Summary

Your Kids Are Getting Your Leftovers, Not Your Best

I open with a question that stopped me cold. If my kids were grown and out of the house today, what would they actually say about me as a dad based on how I am currently living? The honest answer revealed that a packed calendar and a demanding role were leaving my family with whatever energy remained at the end of the day. That was not the dad I wanted to be.

"I realized one day my kids were getting leftovers at the end of the day. Not my best, not my intentional presence, leftovers."

‍ ‍2. Boyhood Does Not Naturally Become Manhood

Drawing from John Tyson's The Intentional Father, I share the book's central premise. The transition from boyhood to manhood does not happen on its own. It requires fathers who are willing to mark it on purpose, with intention, with witnesses, and with a vision of who their sons are becoming.

"Boyhood doesn't just naturally become manhood. That transition has to be marked, has to be intentional."

3. The Day That Marked Something

A small group of dads and I organized a once-in-a-lifetime rite of passage for our 13-year-old sons. A full day that included a steak breakfast, a bike ride, the gun range, paintball, getting dressed in suits and ties, being knighted at an overlook over the city with a forged sword, words of blessing spoken by dads and grandfathers, and a celebration dinner at Fogo de Chão. The day itself was not the point. The day was a marker.

"It gave him a vision of what life can look like in the future. It gave him a community of other people to do it with. It's one of the best days of my life."

4. We Are Intentional at Work, But We Wing It at Home

I name the uncomfortable truth that most successful leaders apply to business. Clear goals, built systems, tracked results, prepared presence. But at home, many of the same leaders tell themselves that simply being in the house is enough. Being physically available is not the same as being emotionally engaged.

"We're pretty intentional at work, but we're not as intentional at home. The culture in your home doesn't form on accident. It forms by design."

5. Design Your Home Culture on Purpose

The first practical shift I offer is intentionally designing the culture of your home rather than letting it form by default. In my family this includes a dinner table ritual called high, low, and buffalo, along with regular rhythms, family activities, music, and outdoor time. None of it happens by accident. My wife and I decided what we wanted our family to feel like and then built habits around it.

"Culture isn't something that just happens. It's something you build conversation by conversation, tradition by tradition, word by word."

6. Practice the Transition Ritual

The second shift is moving from available to present. I describe sitting in the driveway for 60 seconds before walking in the door, praying for presence, and powering off my phone and watch before entering the house. That small habit created a clear boundary between work mode and home mode, and my family noticed.

"I ask God to help me be fully present for the next few hours. That small shift really has changed being more present at home."

7. Plan for Your Kids the Way You Plan for Work

The third shift is treating each child as an individual with specific needs in this season of life, not treating all four the same. I schedule individual dates with each child and think through what each one needs from me right now. My 14-year-old needs challenge and late-night conversations. My two-year-old needs tenderness and tickles. Intentionality means seeing each child for who they actually are.

"If I don't think about it intentionally, I end up treating them all the same. They're not all the same."

8. You Cannot Give What You Do Not Have

Beneath all the practical frameworks, I come back to a deeper foundation. You cannot give your family your best if your soul is depleted. The most important thing I can do as a father is pursue God, because closeness with God produces overflow into every other relationship. Everything else flows from that.

"When I'm walking closely with the Lord, I'll be a better husband, a better father, a better leader."